Blind, shimmering credit cards are the first sign.
Fintech company Ramp, in a somewhat confusing move, is hosting music. He was called “Bill Pay” and took over Broadway’s Broadhurst Theatre. From the back of the mezzanine, I watched an hour of commercials, senseless.
Let me clarify: it’s not Ramp pretending this is high art. There are a lot of jokes about the stupidity of this show. The audience of technicians seemed to eat a parody of “Hamilton” – instead of “I didn’t throw away my shot,” but “I didn’t throw away my receipt” – and the dancing hobbits.
The ramp reflects the logo on the curtain of the Broadhurst Theatre. Henry Chandonnet / Business Insider
But I can’t stop thinking: what are we doing here? It feels like a good corporate bonding exercise for a company in IPO preparation mode. However, they are open to the public and invite theater influencers.
Musical Ramp is good in theory. Spend a lot of employee benefits! Better yet, pay theatergoers! But the execution is muddled and boring.
Ramp’s self-love fest of music
For such a simple promotional musical, the plot of “Bill Pay” is a bit confusing.
Jessica Vosk plays Lisa Blupey, a beleaguered Etsy seller who can’t handle the influx of orders. They are then sucked into a YouTube ad and have to navigate some sort of bill to escape.
It’s not the bill you think it is. There’s a full Bill-bo Baggins segment, so the hobbit tap-dances. There’s a candy-coated Billy Wonka part. (Is there not enough real “Bill” to keep the name unaltered?) And then there is Billy Zane, the sultry “Titanic” alum who came out for one steamy number.
The musical ramp references Billy Mays, Willy Wonka, and “Schoolhouse Rock.” Henry Chandonnet / Business Insider
The musical’s resolution is that Blupey can fix his life problems with – you guessed it – Ramp.
Billy Porter is the marquee star and subject of the Ramp ad. However, he was barely on the show. Porter opened the show, then appeared for a few moments and chatted with co-CEO Eric Glyman. One wonders if he gets paid by the minute.
Many of these shows are, as expected, kitschy. There are references to “A Chorus Line” and Billy Mays’ OxiClean ad. There’s a surprise cameo from Brian Baumgartner, aka Kevin from “The Office,” who’s been in previous Ramp commercials. We all broke and waved glow sticks in the middle of the event.
Brian Baumgartner makes a cameo in “Bill Pay.” Henry Chandonnet / Business Insider
And yes, it was noisy. There is not enough sparkle for all the audience. The actor forgot his name. The hat fell off.
Messiness is part of live theater. That’s what makes it fun! But I hope it’s from an Off-Broadway house with money, not a multi-billion dollar tech company.
Tech bros and ‘industry’ salaries
I’ve been to Broadway shows. The audience is almost the same: octogenarians spending their retirement money, suburban gay men in chinos, doting mothers with their pubescent children.
This is not the case. The audience was full of techies.
Many are matched with tuxedos or bejeweled gowns. Many of them were raising their Slacks in the moments before the show. I heard M&A rumor murmurs from the audience.
So, I have to admit, it’s not for me. It is for them.
The show begins with the announcement that the phone can go out for the entire performance, in defiance of Broadway standards. Then one of the opening lines made it clear that he wasn’t going to make any specific musical references. Everything will remain perfectly digestible.
All I can say is: great! I love the tech bros have music. But why open it to a public audience? Why not just save it on invited guests, investors you want to schmooze and employees you want to reward?
“Bill Pay” has a full cast of actors. Henry Chandonnet / Business Insider
The show has one more advantage: the actors are paid. In a conversation with Glyman, Porter thanked him for bringing back the “industry.” This is a corporate gig that the actors will use to pay their bills. He, as you might have guessed, was gone. Your current boss doesn’t make music for you; he bought a Cameo. (I asked Ramp how much the show was budgeted for – I’ll let you know when I hear back.)
I love that ensemble dancers get paid. I love that Vosk got the chance to ride Elphaba’s broom again. I’m even happy that Porter got what is likely a big chunk of money for his minutes.
Welcome, Ramp. You’re spending your hard-earned money on Broadway, an underfunded sector.
Maybe next time, just put on a good show.