Beth Dobbin knew just talking about it would make it worse.
Just five years after competing in the 200m for Great Britain at the Tokyo Olympics, the 32-year-old is bedridden 22 hours a day as she battles myalgic encephalomyelitis, a disease that causes fatigue.
“I did little things like go to the doctor for a blood test and then stayed in bed for a few months. So this interview, a 30-minute chat, is something that could have an impact on me in 2027,” she told BBC Sport. “But I feel like doing it is really important to get the message across.”
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME), also known as chronic fatigue syndrome, is an incurable, long-term illness that can make any form of physical and mental activity difficult.
For Dobbin, it felt like her body was “shut down; it felt like she was days away from death.”
Something as simple as a conversation could cause her to “melt down” from 24 hours to several months on end. The Scot said she only got up to eat or use the toilet.
Other common symptoms include frequent sore throats, digestive problems, allergies, sensitivities, muscle and joint pain, nausea, and headaches.
“It’s been devastating to my life, I can’t even put it into words,” she told BBC Sport. “I feel like I’ve lost everything. I still have my family, but I’ve lost my independence, my health, my ability to work, my ability to exercise.”
Dobbin, a 200-meter specialist, battled back-to-back COVID-19 and glandular infections during the 2021-22 season, which left him feeling exhausted as the season was compressed.
Soon, she developed symptoms of irritability and dizziness, and lost feeling in her legs at the start of the race, resulting in a false start.
“I think I saw four or five different specialists, across multiple fields because of the symptoms I was experiencing. [body] “The system,” she said. “All the experts say ‘this is me’ but we don’t want that to be the case because there’s nothing that can do that.”
She is hopeful after the Covid pandemic and the emergence of long Covid, a disease that shares symptoms with ME, and raised awareness that she joins the 400,000 people known to have the disease in the UK and a further 3.3 million in the US, although these figures are thought to be lower estimates.
“I said I wanted to talk about it, but I didn’t necessarily want to discuss it [but] It’s raising that awareness. Unfortunately, people believe athletes more than the average person,” she said. “A lot of people I’ve interviewed with this disease have said to me, ‘I’m not believed, people think I’m lazy. ‘ I’ve never met someone who didn’t believe me, and that’s because, why would an athlete suddenly stop after 20 years?
“I have a little platform. If this happened to most people, they wouldn’t be able to talk about it, so I do feel like I have a responsibility to do that.”