I started dating my husband, Daniel, during my junior year of college. However, when we weren’t in school, our relationship was mostly long distance. Arkansas is my home base and Georgia is his home base.
After graduation, we maintained our relationship even while traveling and living in different countries.
We knew our ultimate goal was to get married and we no longer wanted to be in a long distance relationship. So, we There was discussion about buying an apartment together, either in my hometown or his.
However, both parents were unhappy with our plans to live alone before marriage. Although Daniel and I no longer consider ourselves religious, we both come from Christian families.
So Daniel’s parents, Martin and Louise, came up with a compromise: We could move into their house – we just couldn’t sleep in the same room.
Living with my in-laws before marriage sounds daunting, but it brought us closer
It turns out that most of my fears about living with my future in-laws were unfounded. Laura Grace Tarpley
In addition to religious motivations, Daniel’s parents wanted to give us a rent break because we didn’t have much money. By living with them, we can save a down payment on a future home.
It seems tempting, and we don’t want to take their kindness for granted. We eventually agreed to the arrangement (and got engaged a month before moving in), but I had my concerns.
I worry that I will conflict with Daniel’s parents over everyday issues. I like them, but I don’t know much about them yet. What if we upset each other? I also don’t like other people’s religious ideals dictating the way I live my life.
Thankfully, though, most of my fears about living with my future in-laws turned out to be unfounded.
We have dinner together most nights, which means I’m lucky enough to enjoy Louis’ delicious home-cooked meals almost every day.
Martin and Daniel spent most nights watching baseball on TV, and I took advantage of the opportunity to learn about the sport and eventually became a die-hard Atlanta Braves fan.
Despite being together so much, I still feel like I have my own space. My in-laws all go to bed early because they have to get up early for work, so Daniel and I still have at least a few hours of alone time at night.
Of course, we still have our problems. I still feel bad for repeatedly forgetting there is no garbage disposal and throwing eggshells into the sink, and I am constantly worried about waking them up at night since they go to bed at 9pm
But overall, living together was a positive experience.
I got to know my husband and in-laws like never before
10 months later, Daniel and I got married and moved out. Looking back, I did find it valuable to live with him before we made this commitment.
Although Daniel and I slept in separate rooms, living under the same roof still provided a helpful preview of married life. It also gave me a great understanding of not only how Daniel behaved, but why.
Some of them are small. I think it’s rude when he visits my family and stacks the dishes in the sink instead of immediately putting them in the dishwasher.
After eating about 20 meals with his family, I realized they always waited until the sink was full before loading the dishwasher. He’s not lazy – he’s just doing things the way he was raised.
Plus, it helps me understand my future in-laws better. Because of this, we rarely, if ever, argue about them visiting or one of them hurting my feelings. This removed a layer of potential problems in my marriage.
Living with Daniel’s parents might have strained my relationship with them, but the opposite was true. It brings us closer.
Years later our time together becomes even more precious
I will always cherish our time together. Laura Grace Tarpley
About ten years later, my time living with them became important again when my father-in-law was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
Daniel and I are ready to move back and help in any way we can. We only had a few weeks with Martin before he died, and then we stayed for a while longer to help Louise clean up the mess, plan the funeral, and spend more time with her.
For many people, living with the in-laws for six weeks will be very difficult. Emotional, stressful situations can still feel difficult at times.
But I’ve gotten used to living with Louise. I don’t have to be careful around my family. I know how this dynamic works.
Not only did I get to live with them for six weeks during a life-changing time, but I am more grateful than ever that I lived with them nearly a decade ago. I realize now that if I hadn’t lived in Martin’s house, I wouldn’t know him that well.