I was annoyed by the noise of my neighbors. A month later, I helped raise $80,000 for her treatment.

• Heidi Widmer is a 35-year-old who moved into an apartment building in Los Angeles in July.
• For the first two weeks, he heard loud noises from the apartment above and was annoyed.
• He discovered the noise was made by his neighbor, who has Parkinson’s.

This narrated essay is based on a conversation with Heidi Widmer. It has been edited for length and clarity.

In July, I moved into an apartment in Los Angeles, exhausted from a six-day drive across the country from New York. All I wanted was to get into my apartment and sleep, and luckily, my bed was delivered the same day I arrived.

Tried to sleep at 2am, only to hear loud noises from the apartment above. It sounded like someone was bowling. Although I was tempted to yell at them to shut up, I kept my mouth shut – I was a new neighbor and didn’t want any trouble.

But the noise doesn’t seem to stop. Whoever lives there never comes down either. Who lives there? I thought to myself.

I realized my neighbor has Parkinson’s

Two weeks after moving in, I heard someone coming down the stairs and had to get a glimpse of the one who lives above me.

Peeking out my door, I saw Carole for the first time, slowly coming down the stairs, shaking badly from Parkinson’s disease, and trying to carry a bag full of recycling.

As I was about to open the door to see if he needed help, he dropped all his bags a few steps away. I came out of my apartment to help him.

“Oh my gosh, thank you,” she said in her sweet English accent. “You just moved? Am I too loud for you?”

At that moment, I felt completely and utterly humiliated.

Growing up in the Catholic church, I was taught not to judge a book by its cover, and with Carole, I never even saw the cover. I judge him only by the sound he produces above. How can I judge?

It turned out that the voice had been Carole Rolling three wheels, broke the chair across the floor to get to the mini fridge – the mini fridge social service had given her when the fridge broke. He had to lift himself out of the broken chair to get down and access the mini fridge.

That’s noisy.

I decided to find out what I could do to help

Two days after we met, I knocked on the door. He peeked in and nervously let me in. The condition inside is not good.

Although he can live independently, he just needs a little help. I later learned that he does not like to receive help from people, especially social services. The fact that he is afraid of the people who are trying to help him breaks my heart.

That day, I took all her trash out for her, reassuring her that I wasn’t judging her at all.

In a few weeks and now a month after, I have reached Carole to help with the garbage, cook (she has only eaten in the microwave), clean, and contact the landlord to ask someone to replace and repair items in the apartment. We have also decorated her apartment.

I raised $80,000 to help him

Together, we created her an Amazon wish list, and I shared it on social media so people could order the things they needed and have them shipped directly to her. People have been generous, buying things like expensive “butsudan” Buddhas, which Carole didn’t expect anyone to buy.

We set up a GoFundMe, which raised about $80,000, and we plan to use the funds to install a staircase for him. The remaining money will be used for home care as he continues to age and his Parkinson’s disease progresses.

I know I’ve been helping Carole for the past few months, but she’s also been the perfect person at the right time for me. Moving to LA, I had almost no connections. Many of Carole’s family no longer live or are back in the UK (she moved here in her 20s as an au pair).

Carole became the family I never had, and I became hers. We text back and forth every day, and I see him most days. She calls me her grandson, and I see her as her grandmother.

When I had a hard day at work teaching at the local high school, Carole was ready to give me a big hug when I got home. He had become a safe place, and I was his. The universe knows that we need each other.

It’s an unlikely connection, but it shows that if you lead with kindness rather than judgment, the person you’re ready to judge can be someone you can’t imagine without you.